10 Reasons Why I DON'T Want To Be Filthy Rich

1. Discounts and sales promotions will no longer be exciting.

2. I'd never have a dream car, since they would all be reality.

3. Completely ruins the fun of lotteries.

4. My daughter would be a spoiled piece of shit excuse of a human.

5. My wife would be a spoiled piece of shit excuse of a human.

6. Lony would be really fat.

7. Philanthropy would be my only salvation, and that's just so not me.

8. I'd never know if I have any real friends.

9. I'd have to pay absurd amounts of tax.

10. If I converted all my money into 10 sen coins, the weight would crush me to death.

Watch, as I brutally dissect the act of falling in love.

We all want to be in love, don't we?

Well, tough. It ain't gonna happen. And if you're lucky enough for it to happen for you, it ain't gonna last.

Sure, sure. There are those rare and mysterious folks who claim that they're in love with their partners from dusk 'til dawn, and from acquaintance 'til death. Well, you're not one of them, and neither am I. Might as well face up to it.

The thing is, if you don't accept it, then you end up constantly yearning and searching for it. Of course, when you find it again, it'll just fade away again. Then you just aimlessly repeat the vicious cycle.

It is in our primal nature to love to be in love. After all, it's exciting, it's uplifting, it's refreshing, and it's...well, it fucking feels damn good, doesn't it? But you see, that's just the endorphins talking. When we're in love, our brains secrete endorphins that tell us we're happy -- fucking ecstatic! That's only natural right? After all, what's there not to like about being in love? But then again, what the fuck does your brain know about love?

There really isn't anything different from being addicted to love than being addicted to, say, heroine or morphine. In fact, endorphins and morphine are pretty much the same damn thing. So falling in love is like doing morphine shots. For free. Kinda. Come to think of it, it's not free at all. But we're certainly under the delusion that it's free. Maybe that's what makes it even more enjoyable.

Just as the effects of morphine don't last, neither do the effects of love. The question is, what do you do when you run out? You could keep finding new partners to fall in love with, but what kind of life is that gonna lead you to? If you want to get married or feel that marriage is one of the ultimate goals of your life, don't marry for love. At least, don't marry for the delusion of love.

I'm somewhat of a subject matter expert on marrying for love. I did it three times before, and each time it ended not so well. Currently, I'm married again; only this time, unlike my previous marriages, I have a kid. Am I still in love with my wife? Nope. Not really. Do I care for her? You bet your damn knickers I care for her. I'd give my life or left testicle for her -- not that I think she'd appreciate either. But the point here is really the kid. We're genetically built to care for our offspring, and that, my dear readers, is what truly makes the world go 'round.

The whole purpose of this human mechanism of falling in love is to get you to grow attached to someone and procreate. Because, you see, without this mechanism, the human race would be extinct. It's a biological force of nature that helps our race continue on. The endorphin part is just there to trick you into it.

Now that you know love is just a grand scheme by biological nature to prolong the existence of the human race -- which in itself is fairly meaningless to begin with -- let's move on to the subject of marriage, shall we?

Marriage is a legally binding contract created by people. Basically, this means that in the very large send of the universe, it doesn't really mean jack shit. "Legally" binding just means that there are certain consequences should you break the rules. It doesn't "physically" or "mentally" or "emotionally" prevent you from doing anything. So marriage is really just people's way of forcing you to commit to a relationship, because if you didn't, your kid would probably end up starving to death in a back alley dumpster somewhere.

Yes, it's still all about the kids.

So, no, marriage is not for you to ascertain your love with another person. It's not the beginning or the end or whatever people like to say about it. It's not about the wedding or the reception or the cake or the stupid wedding gifts that no one ever uses anyway. It's not about the people getting married at all. It's about committing yourself to prolonging the existence of the human race.

But, as sophisticated and self-centered as humans have become, if you were to tell people this truth about the law of nature and marriage, no one would get married. That's why nature tries to make it enjoyable by allowing endorphins to flow through your body when you're in love, making you think that marriage is what you really want.

Nature is cruel, though, isn't it? If it were going to do that, why not secrete endorphins constantly even after you're married? Noooooooooooo. Instead, once you commit yourself, it just gives you the finger and moves on. The only time you end up getting a rush that's even remotely similar, is when you're humping your partner, and that is why so many people end up marrying for the sole purpose of sex.

Now imagine that you've already decided that you don't want children. Heck, in the day and age, who can afford one? Besides, they're noisy, dirty, poop everywhere, make your life a nightmare, and then take all your money when they grow up, just so they can leave you in the dust when you're old and crippled.

Now also imagine that sex is the defining feature of your relationship with that hot girl you're going to propose to. Maybe you're a titty man. Maybe you're an ass man. Maybe you're a leg man. Or maybe you're just a bit of everything from eyebrows to toenails. Whatever your fetish with your hottie, it won't last. Isn't it obvious? Age gets the better of us all eventually. There's no escape from deterioration of physical looks and sex drive, just as there is no escape from love subsiding after marriage.

You've got the image of a stone cold hard core manly man who doesn't want kids and wants sex 3 times a day now? Ok, now imagine you get married to your super hot girl, and suddenly you find out there's a difference between you and your now-spouse in the desire for kids and frequency of sex.

Fuck! Where's my endorphins!? I didn't sign up for this shit!

Luckily for you, there's a way out. It's called divorce. Good luck with doing it without hurting anyone, though, including yourself.

So there you have it. My thoughts on love and the purpose it serves.

Tune in next time, when I give you all the juicy details on why men are making the rate of marriage globally drop.

Until then, keep searching for love, and keep lying to yourself. Adios.

I bought my iPhone 5S from Maxis for RM3,500.

I received an offer from Maxis a few months ago to purchase an iPhone 5S for about RM1,500. It seemed like a great deal at the time, but little did I know that I was being set up for a scam that I can only praise to be as ingenious.

I had sign up for a 2 year postpaid plan with Maxis in July 2012 when I purchased my Samsung Galaxy S3. When I went to inquire about switching to an iPhone 5S at the Maxis center in The Gardens Mall Mid Valley, the staff there informed me that I would need to switch to an "iValue" plan. It seems that with Maxis, iPhones must use its own unique postpaid plan. Although the monthly minimum payment was higher than what I was already committed to, I deemed it to be worth what I was getting, and so proceeded with the change.

The staff at the Gardens Mall Maxis center processed my change in postpaid plan diligently, albeit with horrible attitude as expected from Maxis, and I received my brand new iPhone 5S within 40 minutes. I then proceeded to the "iPhone activation counter" as instructed, and watched another staff take my iPhone out of its package and "activate" it in a slew of touches and slides that I probably could've done faster myself.

Anyway, I was satisfied. Knowing how horrible service is in Malaysia and Maxis in general, I was happy to be out of there with a new phone at a significantly discounted price.

All was fine until I received my Maxis bill the following month.

RM2,169.80

I had already paid for the phone on the spot, mind you, which means this absurd amount is inexplicable.

I continued to read through the invoice and saw 2 lines on it that rendered me speechless.

"RM1,000 - Early termination fee: Voice Plan.
 RM1,000 - Early termination fee: Data Plan."

It seemed that I was being penalized because I had terminated my previous 2 year contract by switching to the iValue plan for my new iPhone.

Here are a couple of problems I see.

1. Is it truly the business ideology of Maxis to penalize loyal customers who continue to use their service by purchasing a new phone from them, change to a more expensive postpaid plan, and bind themselves for yet another 2 years??
2. No one at the Maxis center in The Gardens Mall Mid Valley felt compelled to utter a single word of warning of advice to me that I would be penalized RM2,000 big ones for giving them more business.

Let's think about this. Had I known that I was going to be charged 2,000 bucks to buy a new iPhone, what are the chances I would've gone through with it? I mean, who in their fucking right mind would go for a discounted phone purchase just so they can pay more than double the next month?!

Maxis just appointed a new CEO a few months back who is attempting to bring the company back to reality -- to stop it from its snobbish path of immersing in its own recent success.

IT'S NOT WORKING.

I'd like to take this opportunity to remind Maxis that customer loyalty is what wins long term business, not how much market share you had in the last couple of years. If Maxis is in the telecommunications business for short term profit, it will crash and burn in the depths of customer dissatisfaction hell.

Yes, it's true that all the telcos in Malaysia are pretty lame when it comes to customer service and satisfaction, but you know what? Maxis is the largest (for now), and from what I see, they're trying the least.

It's the "we're on top so we don't have to work hard anymore" concept that we see so much in this country.

Here's a shocking business ideology for Maxis (and every other Malaysian company out there).

It's when you're on top that you need to work your hardest to stay on top.

But then again, why would Maxis give a shit about what I have to say? After all, I'm just one customer out of its HUGE clientele.

For this one puny customer, though, Maxis is no longer a business. For this one insignificant user who used to put forth all of his loyalty to them, Maxis is now just a large organization who sucks up money however they can with no consideration for how content their customers are.