What is DIBS and how does it work?

It has been common practice lately for property developers in Malaysia to offer DIBS as part of their sales package in order to incentify prospective buyers to purchase new developments still under construction. What is DIBS, though? I couldn't really find any decent sources of information on this, so I decided to write my own understanding in hopes that it might benefit others considering to purchase new property.

DISCLAIMER: Before I continue, please note and understand that I am NOT an expert on property or bank loans or anything related. I am just a simple family guy who did a lot of research and asked a lot of questions to those who know what they're talking about (hopefully).

What is DIBS?

DIBS stands for "Developer Interest Bearing Scheme". It is a sales tool for making the purchasing of a new development still under construction more attractive to prospective buyers. It is a loan scheme that is especially attractive to "flippers", or short-term investors, who want to make a quick profit by selling off property they purchase while the development is still under construction immediately after construction is complete.

How does DIBS work?

When you purchase property, you often have to make an immediate down payment of at least 10% of the overall selling price. After that, you get a loan from a bank for the remaining 90% (or however much you didn't pay). Usually, the installments for the loan will start immediately after your loan has been approved, even though the construction of the development hasn't been completed. This seems a bit unfair, since you're paying a loan for a property that you can't sell, rent, or live in yet. Plus, this is Malaysia. Who knows when the damn thing will be finished?

In comes the DIBS scheme. DIBS is essentially an agreement between the buyer, developer, and bank providing the loan that until the construction of the development is complete (and, in most cases, the keys are handed over), the bank won't charge you anything, and instead, charge the developer interest.

Now, this sounds pretty wonderful, but once you understand the details, things aren't so pretty anymore.

When you pay your installments for a loan, you are paying a portion of your principal plus the interest calculated based on the interest rate at which the loan was granted to you. If during the DIBS period, the bank was charging the developer the actual interest of your installments, it would be a steal for you. Everyone would love DIBS and even wish that the construction would last forever. The truth is, though, the interest that the bank charges the developer is based on the down payment that was made.

Here's where it gets worse. Not only is the developer not actually paying off the interest on your actual loan, they're not paying off any of your principal. Since interest is calculated based on how much principal you have remaining with the bank, you still end up paying all of the interest for your loan, which means you're not benefiting from DIBS in any way. In fact, because the DIBS delays when you start paying back on the principal and shortens your loan tenure, you end up paying MORE in interest.

So why do people like/want DIBS?

As I stated in the beginning, DIBS is good for those who want to "flip" the property for a quick profit. If I purchase a property with DIBS, all I pay during the construction period is the 10% down payment. If I sold my property as soon as construction is completed, as long as I sell it for more than what the original price was I bought it for, I make a profit, since I can just take the money I sold it for and settle my bank loan entirely without paying any interest at all, since my installments haven't started yet thanks to DIBS.

If the developer gave rebates or discounts on the property, I profit even more! If say the developer provided a 10% rebate, that means I didn't have to pay anything for down payment since the rebate offsets it, and I don't pay anything on the loan because of DIBS. So this means it's actually possible for me to own and sell property without spending a single cent, given that my timing is right.

What are the risks of DIBS?

Plenty. First, in order for DIBS to work, you must first secure a bank loan. If you do not qualify for the loan or the bank rejects your loan application for whatever reasons, DIBS doesn't work. Since you must commit to a loan in order for DIBS to work, you are responsible for the loan regardless of what happens to the property you purchase. If you are unable to sell it, you will have to pay the installments yourself (with higher interest, remember).

There is also quite a bit of speculation that in order for developers to be able to provide the DIBS scheme, they price the property at a higher price than the market rate. This means you're committing to a loan for an amount that you assume can be covered through appreciation (or inflation or both) during the time of construction. You also assume that there are willing buyers for the property at a price for you to make profit at the perfect timing so that you can settle the loan before the first installment. If the property doesn't appreciate, you lose. If you don't find willing buyers at the right timing, you lose.

Then there's always project abandonment. If the development is abandoned before completion due to a lack of funding or whatever other reasons, you are still stuck with the loan. In many cases, since loans are given out in disbursements, you won't be stuck with the entire loan amount, but for the disbursements already given out to the developer, you are still responsible for payment, regardless of whether the property was delivered to you as promised or not!! Remember that there are 3 parties involved here, and paying money back to the bank is between you and the bank while whether you get what you bought is between you and the developer. You can take legal actions against the developer to get reimbursed, but what you committed to the bank and what the bank has already given out is still your responsibility, NOT the developer's.

Let's recap with an example.

Say that a developer, Dodgy Properties Berhad, has started a new development project, and the first phase of sales has already begun. You decide to buy a 1,000 square foot condo for RM500k and think you can flip it for a 20% profit.

You pay 10% (RM50k) as down payment (perhaps rebated by the developer later), and you borrow RM450k from the bank at 4.5% interest using DIBS. The project is not expected to be complete for another 2 years, which means you don't have to pay anything on your loan for the next 24 months.

The developer pays the bank the interest on the down payment you paid for the next 24 months, but you haven't actually paid back a single cent to the bank on your loan because no payment is being made on the principal, and you still owe the bank RM450k (plus the interest calculated based on it).

You start to look for prospective buyers for this property you bought, hoping to find someone willing to pay RM600k for it as well as accept a handover time of 2 years from now. This way, you make an easy (if you consider this as easy) RM100k in profit.

A few things can happen from here.

The Ideal Scenario

You find a buyer who is fine with your terms, you sell the property for RM600k before your loan installments begin, and you settle your loan of RM450k without paying any interest. If the 10% was rebated by the developer, you made RM150k!

The Better Than Nothing Scenario

You're only able to find a buyer who is willing to pay RM500k for the property, you settle your loan before installments begin, and you make RM50k if the initial 10% was rebated. If it wasn't, you gain and lose nothing for the price of going through some hassle.

Or, you're only able to find a buyer who is willing to buy the property for RM600k a year after your loan installments have started. You immediately settle the loan, but you've already paid a year of principal and interest, taking about RM30k off the profit you make (on top of the pain it caused you to have to pay RM3k every month until you found a buyer).

The Fail Scenario

Property value plummets during the DIBS period and no one wants to buy your property. Even if you sold it, you'd actually lose money, so you're forced to either give up and take your losses while they're small, or move in yourself and pay the remainder of the loan (25 or 30 years or whatever) with higher interest.

The Completely Screwed Scenario

Dodgy Properties Berhad goes bankrupt and cannot finish the construction even though they've been funded by the sales of all the units. RM100k has already been disbursed to the developer by the bank, so you end up having to pay the bank back RM100k plus the interest for it, and have nothing to show for it. It's like you just threw money into the trash.

I hope this gives you a better idea of what DIBS is all about and that it provides you with some insight for when you're property hunting.

And again, please remember I am NOT an expert on the subject matter and it is entirely possible that not everything I wrote is accurate.

HAPPY INVESTING!!

The Metropolitan Conspiracy

So here's my suspicion on what's going to happen with the capital area of Malaysia.

NO PLAN TO PLANNED

Kuala Lumpur was a city built with no planning. It was also developed during a time when technology, experience, and skills were all lacking. On top of that, the city was built according to the population and necessities from several decades ago, randomly adding on necessary infrastructure and developments as the population grew. This makes it an extremely badly designed city. That's why we get all these horrible traffic jams and inexplicable road structures. I mean, if they could do it all over according to today's population and needs with today's technology, there wouldn't be any roundabouts or 6 billion (slightly exaggerated) flyovers.

Everyone's moving to Klang Valley, and yet, because it's too late to try to restructure the entire area, the only feasible option is to move the population to less densely populated areas. If you can't provide the infrastructure for the population, bring the population to where you can, kan?

The government, as well as all the Dato and Tan Sri power players, have all sunk billions into building Putrajaya and Cyberjaya. Although it's taken much longer than it should have, it's finally about time to really promote, market, and sell these areas. For one, the major areas of Klang Valley are really running out of decent space, especially with the reserved areas for greenery. Second, prices are running so high that it's just simply not viable for younger generations to live in the current residential areas any longer. I mean, if instead of spending money that you don't have on rebuilding or renovating, you could sell your Dad's 30 year old house and land to buy brand new property in a clean, safe, and new environment, why wouldn't you?

To move a large enough population to the less dense areas, though, would take a lot of effort and money, as well as an extremely large-scale, well planned, and well funded project that revolves around moving the city center entirely. That's what the Metropolitan Conspiracy is all about.

BECOMING AN ADVANCED CITY

Think about all the major cities in the world and what they've been through. Cities like New York, Chicago, Tokyo, Paris, and London have all started small but eventually grew larger due to growing population and the demand for better housing, infrastructure, and transportation. The city center starts off getting more expensive, forcing newer arrivals to move to the outskirts. Then the outskirts become more expensive, moving even newer arrivals to the suburbs. Then suddenly, you've got this massive metropolitan area in which commuting 90 minutes one way is the norm.

That's definitely where KL is heading.

THE METROPOLITAN CONSPIRACY

If we consider the trend in which the different areas are developing in Klang Valley, we can see that the viable areas furthest out from KLCC would be Rawang to the north and Seremban to the south. If we were to accept an average commute time of 60 to 90 minutes one way and assume KLCC to be the center, it would make Rawang easily within the metropolis, but not Seremban; yet, it's hard to imagine developments reaching any further north than Rawang.

But wait... What if we move the center from KLCC to Putrajaya? Well, I'll be damned. There's your metropolis of the future.

Imagine a metropolis that covers Rawang from the north to Seremban to the south with Putrajaya as the center. Klang to the west and Semenyih to the east. It all makes sense! No wonder prices have been rising drastically in Cyberjaya and even a good jump in average property cost can be seen in Kota Kemuning, Semenyih, and even Nilai!

Sure, nobody's gonna give a shit for the next few years, but this is a 10 year, 20 year, 30 year master plan, and the keen investors and future readers have already caught on! People still talk about whether Cyberjaya will grow and become a feasible investment. If you're thinking that, you're not one of the keen investors or future readers. Besides, where else are you gonna go? Mont Kiara? Desa ParkCity? Yeah, only if you made a couple million a year, maybe!

By the time you're too old to get a 30 year loan (which is 35 for most banks, fyi), all the dust has settled from the construction rush, Mont Kiara, Desa ParkCity, and all those great exclusive townships will be traffic death traps that'll take you just as long to commute to PJ as it does from Cyberjaya. AND it'll cost you twice as much to invest.

Honestly speaking, it's already too late to invest in areas like Cyberjaya and Kota Kemuning at the time of this blog post, because property there already costs more than what Mont Kiara cost just 3 years ago. But at least now you have some insight to the trend, and hopefully, it'll be enough to guide you through this shitty mess we live in.

DISCALIMER: I am NOT an expert on property, investing, or economics. I'm just a normal family guy who did tons of research and footwork to find out as much information as possible about real estate in Klang Valley and then came up with his own theory. DO NOT base your investments purely on my opinions. I won't take any responsibility for your investment losses. I'll take some donations if you make money, though.

The Property Death Spiral of Malaysia

Looking to buy property? Wonder if you should buy a condo or a house? Want to learn about the different specs of property such as built-up sizes and GFA?

Well, you've come to the right blog post, because I'm going to explain it all to you. Actually, I'm not. Because, you see, it's all too complicated, and even if you learned all of it, it wouldn't really do you any good. Not in Malaysia, at least.

The real estate scene in Malaysia is currently in an absurd state which I like to call the "property death spiral". Property, including condos, terraced houses, and detached houses, are all at an unreasonably high price within the KL and Selangor area. How do I define unreasonable? Unaffordable by the average Malaysian, that's how.

We all know that prices have been going up while income has not increased, and the government is starting to impose taxes and reduce subsidies. The question then, is if the economy is bad and the government has no money, why is property unaffordable? Shouldn't the prices be dropping if no one can afford them?

Well, let's consider who are the people buying property, especially new developments, in Klang Valley. First, the very small percentage of extremely rich and well connected people. These guys are buying up more property than you could shake a stick at. In fact, collectively, they probably own a quarter of all the new developments that we as common folks can only ejaculate at.

Then there are foreign investors, who buy up most of the remaining 3 quarters. Why would they buy property in Malaysia? To make money, of course! You think a million ringgit is expensive for a house? Let's take a look at how much houses cost in Shanghai, Taiwan, or Hong Kong nowadays.

Taiwan: Condo, 2131 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, 13 million RM.
Shanghai: Condo, 1421 square feet, 2 bedrooms, 2 baths, 15 million RM.
Hong Kong: Condo, 2158 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, 40 million RM (that's roughly RM20k per square foot!!).

These aren't even luxurious places I'm talking about. They're just average apartments.

So you see, Malaysia is still cheap to the folks living in these areas, and since Malaysia is not yet a fully developed country, there is still chance that prices will rise, and hence, to them, it's still a viable investment.

So we have these rich locals and foreign investors pushing the prices up on our property. And that's what the government wants. You see, it's more important for the government to gather foreign investments than it is for them to ensure the citizens have adequate opportunities to buy houses, because it makes them much more money that way.

Once these rich folks who only buy property for investment and not live in have bought the property, they then look for opportunities to sell them to...you guessed it! To other rich locals and foreign investors. Obviously they want to make money, so they sell it for more than they bought it to others who want to invest and are willing to wait longer than they are. So the prices keep going up, and keep exchanging hands between the same people.

Yes. The Property Death Spiral.

5 years ago, a 3000 square feet built-up terraced house in Puchong cost around RM350k. Just 5 years from then, the same thing now costs a million RM. That's roughly TRIPLE the cost. Have our income gone up TRIPLE in the last 5 years. If yours has, please let me know.

Without focusing on foreign investments, though, the government is unable to generate enough revenue for the country to grow at an ideal pace. So basically, we're being sacrificed in return for money.

Does that even make sense? The growth of the country should be for its people. If to facilitate that growth means making daily living worse for the people, is there even meaning to the growth? To put it in another way, why do we want to grow as a country at all if it doesn't mean better living for the people?

If the government uses all the profit generated from these investments to create benefits for the people, it would make sense. Instead, though, they build useless palaces and envision public transportation that's poorly designed, poorly executed, and is never going to make it in time to help the majority of the people.

I think that there is another master plan. In fact, it's inevitable that they'd have to have an alternate plan to "fix" things, because there is no way that KL will be able to prosper the way things are going.

Stay tuned to my next blog post when I talk about what I think the future plan for Malaysia's capital is going to be. Until then, take care and be kind to others.

Genome Transcendence: The System (Skills)

How the skill system works.

This is an interesting one. I think fixed skills are stupid. There are an unlimited number of skills you could have in this world, and fixating them is too limiting and discourages good roleplaying. If I wanted to create fixed skills that encompassed our lives, it would be an encyclopedia in itself.

So, GT uses a flexible skill system. Basically, you are given "skill slots". You use these skill slots to put into any skill you can think of in the real world that you want. Below are some sample skills you might want your characters to have.

• Swimming
• Running
• Lock Picking
• Brawling
• AK47
• Anime Knowledge
• Spanish
• Sewing
• Heart Surgery
• PHP Programming
• Speed Reading
• Karate
• Chemistry
• Social Media
• Rock Climbing

As you can see, the sky is the limit. Anything you think might be useful, you can pretty much have. More importantly, it's important for your skills to match your character's background and personality.

Like in real life, you can attempt to do anything you don't have a skill in; it just means that your chance of success would be much lower than if you had the skill.

Some skills can be categorized into one large category. For example, "Military Training". This could include running, swimming, sneaking, basic weapons knowledge, and basic brawling. Any category of skills you decide to take would make you just a novice in it. If you wanted to be really good in a specific skill, you'd have to use one slot for it. So you could have "Military Training" and "Running" both as a skill, which would mean you're particularly good at running, even though it's also part of your military training.

You can also "specialize" in skills. This means that you spend 2 skill slots in the same skill, making you one of the best people alive who has that skill.

If you think about it, we really don't have that many skills we're really good at in real life. Most things we dabble in and don't ever really get deep into. Since a character in GT usually is an expert of some sort, you have more skills than an average person. Don't get overly ambitious with your skills though! Keep in character!

Task difficulty and bonuses.

The difficulty of a task is determined by the GM, usually rated from a 1 to 10 -- 1 being it's extremely easy, and 10 being that it's near impossible. If you don't have a specific skill to perform the task, the difficulty will be higher than if you did. Your success is also modified by your basic stat pertaining to that task. In some cases, the stat is the only thing you need to perform the task.

The degree of your success or failure also differs each time you perform a task. There are always random factors such as how well you concentrate that particular time or how strong the wind is when you're trying to climb up a ladder. This is represented by the number of successes you roll.

Let's take a look at an example.

Sergeant Gregory Levine wants to shoot an enemy 100 meters in front of him with his trusty Glock 19. The difficulty for this is usually a 5. If Gregory doesn't know how to use a Glock 19, the difficulty would go up to a 7. If Gregory doesn't know how to use any handguns at all, the difficulty would go up to a 9. Gregory, however, has a specialization in the Glock 19, making the difficulty drop to a 3.

The usage of a Glock 19 requires good DEX. Gregory has a 65 DEX, so he rolls 6D10 (the stat / 10 rounded down). Each D10 result that's above the difficulty is a success and each below is a failure. The "remaining" 5 points of DEX he has are called "adjusters" can be "burned" to raise one of rolls. Once you burn a point of stat for this purpose, it's gone for the entire session.

Each failed roll, with the exception of a natural roll of 1, are ignored. A natural roll of one is a critical fail and cancels out a successful roll, starting with the highest roll. Adjusters cannot be used to save critical fails, or "botches". Count the total number of successful rolls to determine the overall success of your task.

The more successes you have, the better the outcome.

Gregory rolls 6D10 with the result of 8, 2, 3, 5, 1, and 9. The 1 cancels out the 9 and Gregory ends up with 3 successes. For some reason, Gregory really wants to kill this guy and decides to burn an adjuster point to modify his roll of 2 to 3. His DEX goes down to 64 for the remainder of the session, and he gets 4 successes on his task.

The guy is shot in the head and dies instantly.

If you have more failures than successes, then you fail your task.

Prolonged tasks such as running 5 miles require multiple rolls, usually one roll for each mile or each minute or whatever the GM decides is suitable for the task.

Genome Transcendence: The System (Stats)

GT is based in the near future, around 2030 to 2040, depending on the specific campaign. The world is simply an imaginative version of what our future may be like, so has all the history that we know in real life. Anything that exists today could still be around in GT, such as corporations, people, and technology.

20 years ago, we never thought that everyone would have their own hand phones. Now we all have smartphones. In that sense, any amount of events could have occurred between now and the time of GT.

A little background.

Originally, I had created this game during my college days as an assignment with the goal of "stimulating creative thinking in people", so the mechanism and overall system is not very complicated. It relies heavily on the GM and players' imagination, as well as try to keep a sense of reality intact as much as possible.

While many paper & pen RPGs utilize fixed skills for characters to perform certain tasks, I think that's both restrictive and unrealistic. Anyone should be able to try tasks without specifically having that skill, although success is a complete different story.

I also believe that many of the traditional skills that allow for detection of oddities in others' emotions and actions are a hindrance to real roleplaying. If two players were conversing with each other in character, then the detection should be done in the conversation itself, and not through dice rolls.

Stats

As with most games, GT has stats -- physical and mental traits of your characters that show the pure natural aptitude they have for certain things.

PHYSICAL

Strength (STR)
How strong you are. Bending an iron bar would require STR. Note that this will determine your muscle mass, which means if you want to look small, you can't have a high STR and vice versa.

Dexterity (DEX)
How skillful you are in performing tasks that involve coordination, especially with your hands. Tasks like putting a thread through a needle requires dexterity.

Agility (AGI)
How graceful and nimble you move. How quick on your feet your are. Dodging behind a tree from an oncoming motorcycle would require AGI.

Stamina (STA)
The ability to sustain prolonged physical and mental effort. Note that mental stamina is also part of this stat. Running and studying for long periods of time both require STA.

Fortitude (FOR)
How much physical and mental pain and damage you can take. Enduring getting kicked in the gut and verbal abuse requires FOR.

Comeliness (COM)
How physically attractive you are. Useful for obvious reasons.


MENTAL

Intelligence (INT)
How well you acquire and apply knowledge and skills. Memory is also part of INT. How fast you can learn a language and how well you learn about a foreign culture requires INT.

Wisdom (WIS)
How much experience, knowledge, and good judgment you have. As opposed to INT being a stat for learning and understanding, WIS is the information you already have and how you utilize it. Deciding what to say to a foreigner to persuade him based on what you know of their culture requires WIS.

Perception (PER)
How alert, aware, and how well you notice things. PER is also a measure of your senses (sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch). Seeing something move behind a tree out of the corner of your eye requires PER.

Charisma (CHA)
How attractive, charming, and inspiring you are. While a high COM does not have to accompany CHA, it usually works even better as a set. Persuading someone to take your suggestion requires CHA.

Willpower (WIL)
How determined and focused you are. Being able to finish 100 push-ups even though you want to give up requires WIL.

Psyche (PSY)
How much psychic energy you have. This is mostly mysterious but has to deal with certain mystical aspects of this world. It also determines how much cybernetic enhancement you can receive without losing your humanity.

Genome Transcendence: Introduction (A fictional story by me.)

Brief Background

In 2018, North Korea invaded South Korea in full force, eventually succeeding in capturing and occupying the country in a bloody 38 month war, giving birth to a new nation -- the United Republic of Choson (URC). While the US attempted to intervene, the political pressure and military presence of China kept them away. With the EU nearly bankrupt, and the UK unwilling to get involved, the URC set its sights on Japan next.

In February of 2022, the Japanese government announced a breakthrough in biochemistry technology by the Tokyo based pharmaceutical giant Biochem Technologies that could change everything the human race knows about human genetics. Announcing that it would be willing to give the technology to China in return for protection from the URC, the Japanese government sent a group of envoys on March 11 to Beijing consisted of 3 government officials and 2 representatives from Biochem Technologies for negotiations with the Chinese government.

The negotiations lasted 4 days, but eventually ended in mutual agreement. On the way to the airport to return to Japan, the diplomatic group from Japan was ambushed by a militant group from the URC. 3 of the 5 were gunned down within minutes while the remaining 2 were able to flee on foot to a nearby subway station. Desperate with nowhere to run or hide, Yuji Hayashida, senior technological adviser of Biochem Technologies, opened the briefcase he was carrying, reached inside to retrieve a glass vial containing a silvery liquid with a slight blue glow. Saburo Morikawa, the other survivor and assistant to the Japan head of state, glanced over at horror.

"What do you think you're doing, Hayashida?!" Saburo shouted.

"It's our only way to survive, Morikawa san," Yuji replied without looking at Saburo. He was busy syphoning the liquid in the vial into a syringe.

"It's not stable yet!"

Even as Saburo objected, Yuji rolled up his sleeves and plunged the syringe into his forearm.

Moments later, the team of militants charged into the subway station in which the two survivors were taking cover. Neither men were ever found. The only things left at the site were an empty briefcase, a couple of empty vials and syringes, and traces of blood.

Two weeks later, the Chinese government announced their complete support of Japan, stating that any attempts to invade Japan would be dealt with using lethal force. All apparent attempts to invade Japan by the URC immediately ceased, and for the first time in years, the world seemed to be at peace.

Fearful that China had finally gotten the edge they needed to oust the US and become the ultimate superpower, the CIA began to send spies to Japan for espionage purposes in order to gain the same lead. The UK, along with France and Germany, formed the Alliance of Security for Europe (ASE), combining resources and stating that they will retaliate any potential threat or invasion of Europe with nuclear strikes.

And hence, the 2nd Cold War began.

Notable Organizations

Corporations

• Biochem Technologies: The world's largest medical and pharmaceutical organization based in Tokyo and founded by the tycoon Masamune Kagura. Often referred to as "Biochem" or "Biochem Tech" for short. Biochem Technologies has been responsible for modern day medical advancements such as tissue regeneration, reproductive stem cells, cure for cancer, complete skin/muscle/bone grafting, and antibody stimulants among others.
• Infinite Sky Incorporated: The world's second largest manufacturer of medical equipment after GE Healthcare. Based in Soweto, South Africa, Infinite Sky Inc. is responsible for such inventions as the Particle Wave Imaging (PWI) machine and Hyper Quantum Spectrometer.
• Hastings & Schmidt: Based in Halifax, Nova Scotia and founded by retired American army general Jeremiah Hastings and German entrepreneur Jonas Schmidt, H&S is the world's largest designer and manufacturer of industrial and military vehicles.
• Smith & Wesson: Headquartered in Springfield, Massachusetts, Smith & Wesson has evolved into the largest manufacturer and supplier of firearms to police forces all over the world.
• Lockheed Martin: American global aerospace, defense, security, and advanced technology company with worldwide interests. It was formed by the merger of Lockheed Corporation with Martin Marietta in March 1995. It is headquartered in Bethesda, Maryland, in the Washington Metropolitan Area. Lockheed Martin employs 123,000 people worldwide. Josephine Hewson is the current president and Chief Executive Officer. Lockheed Martin is one of the world's largest defense contractors; in 2009, an estimated 74% of Lockheed Martin's revenues came from military sales.

Military

• Army of the United Republic of Choson (AURC): The general term for the military forces of the URC. Several branches, including elite forces, exist in AURC, but are the details are mostly unknown.
• Organization of the Alliance of Security for Europe Special Services (OASESS): Consisted of elite men and women from the Scotland Yard, MI6, and the military forces of the UK, France, and Germany, OASESS is one of the most skilled and feared military organization in the world.
• International Reconnaissance & Investigation Specialists (IRIS): A group of highly trained and extremely skilled specialists maintained by the United Nations since NATO was disbanded. While it is known that IRIS is being recruited, trained, and sponsored by several large private corporations for UN missions, much of this organization is unknown.
• US Armed Forces: While still the major military force of the world, the military forces of the US is recently dwindling in power compared to the consolidated forces of other nations.
• People's Liberation Army (PLA): The PLA is the military arm of the Communist Party of China (CPC) and the de facto armed forces of the People's Republic of China, consisting of land, sea, strategic missile and air forces. The PLA is the world's largest military force, with a strength of approximately 2,250,000 personnel (about 0.18% of the country's population). The PLA comprises five main service branches, consisting of the PLA Ground Force, PLA Navy (PLAN), PLA Air Force (PLAAF), Second Artillery Corps (strategic missile force), and the PLA Reserve Force.

Major Recent Happenings

It is the year 2031. Biochem Technologies has achieved world dominance in the field of pharmaceuticals and cosmetics. While rumors exist that Biochem Tech, along with its long time partner Infinite Sky Incorporated, is also the cause of the deformations and strange anomalies plaguing the world for the past decade, no substantial evidence has been found -- not anything that stands up in court, anyway.

Hastings & Schmidt opened up its first factory in the URC, much to the dismay of the US government. While opposition of this did arise in the UN, at the end, there simply wasn't anything to be done about it.

The 2nd Cold War has been going on for nearly 10 years. Some minor skirmishes have broken out over the years, but thus far, the major players have all been holding their breath, waiting to see what everyone else does.

The PLA has placed several military bases across Japan, some of them oddly close to the US military bases already there. Whether this is due to collaboration or antagonistic mockery is unclear.

The URC has established itself as a major player in the world, both economically and militantly. While China has shown support for Japan, it has still retained its friendly relationship with the URC. Of course, what kind of anxieties lie underneath the surface, no one truly knows.

Earlier this year, news of entire villages in rural areas of China disappearing have plagued TV channels and radio stations. It has been reported that villages of up to 2,000 people would simply disappear overnight. No traces whatsoever. The Chinese government denies the accusations that it is using these people for inhumane experiments.

The Fukushima Nuclear Disaster & How It Affects You

As a physicist in a related field of study, I'm a bit more sensitive to news of radiation leak than the average folk. Although not to the point of paranoia, I know very well how radioactive substances can spread and affect the human body, not to mention our ecosystem.

Also, as a long time resident of Japan, the problems with the "Daiichi Fukushima Nuclear Plant" has constantly been a concern to me ever since the earthquake that devastated Japan on March 11, 2011; yet, I find that many to whom I speak with seem to have no clue as to the magnitude and impact of this nuclear disaster that has been declared as the worst in the history of humankind.

An explosion at Daiichi Fukushima Nuclear Plant shortly after the earthquake of 2011.

The 2011 Tōhoku earthquake and tsunami, measuring at over 9 in magnitude, caused several explosions and system failures at the Daiichi Fukushima Power Plant, resulting in the meltdown of nuclear cores and the subsequent release of radioactive isotopes (this is what we usually call "radiation").

Over the last 2.5 years, large quantities of iodine-131, cesium-134, cesium-137, and strontium-90 has emitted from the nuclear plant.

Now, this is where things are important. You will find many news articles and reports that talk about the amount of radioactive substances that were released. Some of them talk about millisieverts, some talk about becquerels, some even talk about it in terms of curie.

How the hell are we supposed to know what the fuck that means?

And if we don't know, then we don't care.

Let's not get into the scientific details of all this, and all you need to know about all these units of measurement is that they are all named after dead people who studied radioactive substances (and, inevitably, died from them).

Radiation isn't as simple as drinking rat poisoning. Radioactive isotopes have different effects, different half-life, and different, well, everything. Also, it takes prolonged exposure over time for radiation to have an effect on living beings. Of course, if you're exposed to an enormous amount of it, it would take no time at all for you to melt into a pool of unidentifiable fucking obliteration (UFO).

A lot of people joke about how you would grow a third arm or glow in the dark if you're exposed to radiation. The truth is most likely much more boring -- you'll probably just get some form of rare cancer and die a slow painful death.

So. How does this affect you? Why the fuck should you care?

Excellent question! Let's take a look at some concerns.

Skiing might kill you.

Many folks in Asia go to Japan for leisurely activities in the snow, skiing and snowboarding being the favorites. This is, of course, understandable, since Japan is one of the few Asian countries that has snow for extended periods of time and has high quality skiing resorts.

Unfortunately, most regions that have enough snow to have a ski resort are relatively close to the nuclear plants in Fukushima.

If the Fukushima plants continue to release radiation as it has been (and all current evidence suggests that it will), in 5 more years, most of the snow at nearby ski resorts will have enough radioactive isotopes in it to kill you within a month should some of it get into your mouth.

Eating might kill you.

The Fukushima nuclear plant has been, and is currently, releasing tons of water freshly contaminated by extremely harmful radioactive isotopes into the nearby sea. The nearby sea happens to be the Pacific Ocean. Some of the measurements have shown the contamination to be beyond 1800 millisieverts -- enough to kill you in 4 hours of exposure.

A few years -- maybe even in a few months -- the little fishies and prawns and crabs that have been happily swimming in this toxic water will make their way to your dining table. Sure, they probably wouldn't have absorbed 1800 millisieverts of radiation. Probably only 10% or so. So you'll get 40 hours instead to bid your loved ones goodbye.

Breathing might kill you.

Ultimately, if the release of radiation isn't somehow stopped, the air we breathe will become lethal. Many seem to think this is not a concern for those who don't live in Japan. Radioactive isotopes are alive and well at the atomic level. They cling on to pretty much anything, including cars, clothing, and air. Well, yeah, air particles have atoms too, you know?

Those in Southeast Asia are currently still lucky, since the winds don't often blow in that direction from Japan (but west coast U.S. is getting fucked up right now), but this isn't a permanent occurrence. Eventually, Southeast Asia will get just as much as any other area in the world, and believe me when I tell you that a couple of plutonium rocks in a superheated nuclear reactor contains enough radiation to wipe out half of the world's population.

And it's gonna take at least 40 years to clean this shit up.

This is the best part. The Japanese government has vowed to clean the whole nuclear mess up in, "hopefully 40 years". If 40 years is hopeful, I think being scared of the situation is pretty justified.

Let me just leave you with one final thought. TEPCO, the electric company that was responsible for the operation of Daiichi Fukushima Nuclear Plant, has paid billions in damages because of this disaster. They are now wiped out, and the government has taken control of the corporation.

What does this mean?

It means that all the damages and costs for containment, repairing, compensation for residents, cleaning up, building preventive measures, hiring suicide cleaning squads, hiring nuclear experts, creating propaganda to calm the citizens, creating propaganda to hold off global media, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. is now all being paid by the Japanese government.

Just this morning, the Japanese government has announced that they will build a wall to prevent more radioactive water from leaking into the ocean. This is estimated to cost 4.8 billion U.S. dollars, and will be paid entirely by the government.

It's only been 2.5 years and we've seen more than 10 billion dollars spent on dealing with this situation. With the horrible decline in economy and Japan already having the world's second largest national deficit, how long do you think that's gonna last?

5 Signs That A Guy Isn't Ready For Marriage

Marriage used to be such an easy issue in our parents' generation. You find someone decent enough to live with, have kids, and the rest, you deal with as it happens.

Now, though, marriage is a huge deal. It's a huge deal in that we longer want to deal with stupid shit and demand assurance of a peachy marriage in advance.

Well, there is no such assurance. Marriage is the ultimate proverbial "leap of faith". If you're cool with dying alone, don't get married; but if you would rather take a bit of shit now and then (or frequently if you're unlucky) than to eat oatmeal and shop for your own headstone alone, these are some of the most fundamental signs for you of a guy who is not ready for marriage (or any kind of relationship at that).

1. He Can't Pay For His Own Meal

It doesn't even matter if you're rich enough to support him. Any decent guy who is mature enough to get married should have a stable job. The fact that he would even consider marriage before getting a stable job shows he's not ready.

Several obvious hints exist for this type of person, such as

• always "forgets" his wallet,
• never asks for the bill himself,
• asks you if you have money before going into a restaurant,
• lives with his parents after the age of 35,
• thinks working hard is for losers.

2. He Thinks Cheating Only Applies To The Wife

I've actually heard this plenty of times: "Men have urges, unlike women. So for men, it's not really cheating, just fulfilling a primal need." Wow. Comparing cheating on your wife with taking a shit. That's just insulting.

These type of guys often

• think that commitments are unnecessary,
• insist that you quit your job and stay at home,
• get incredibly upset when you touch their phones,
• demand that you cut off all relationships with anything classified as male,
• have incredibly mysterious relationships with other women that he refuses to explain.

3. He Only Bathes When The Flies Around Him Start To Annoy Him

Smell is pretty damn important, isn't it? Not to mention just general hygiene. So if a person can't be bothered with cleaning himself, most likely he can't be bothered with doing any other fundamental tasks that are important in life. Ditch him immediately.

Also watch for

• dirty and/or long fingernails,
• dirty/old/torn up shoes,
• dandruff blizzard,
• stained clothing, and
• a cockroach-infested car.

4. He Thinks A Woman Shouldn't Have Her Own Opinions

Not sure what day and age or twilight zone a guy lives in to think this way, but believe me, there are plenty of them out there. Stay away at all cost.

Signs that you might find for this are

• doesn't listen much and instead talks about himself all the time,
• seems to listen to you but never actually does what you say,
• always stops you from giving any strong opinions by kissing you or turning it into sex,
• constantly tells you what to wear, and
• demands sex whenever he wants it and can't take no for an answer.

5. He Thinks Women Don't Fart

Think no guy actually think like this? Think again.

These guys usually

• are virgins,
• want you to be a virgin,
• think that a wife is a maid + prostitute they don't have to pay for,
• want you to look "pretty" 24 hours a day until you die (while they walk around in dirty underwear with dried-up come), and
• think you secretly like to be their bitch.

I'm a guy, yet I specifically wrote this about guys, because I'm so sick of these type of jerks giving the entire genre of males a bad reputation.

It's getting more and more tough to have a decent marriage. In fact, it's getting more and more tough to even have decent relationships without most women nowadays looking at you like you're scum. Unfortunately, the main reason for this is because most guys are scum.

Hopefully, this will not only act as a guide for women of what to avoid, but also as a guide for men of what not to become.

10 Things You Should Do for a Job Interview

I've been getting quite some requests to give advice on the proper etiquettes for job interviews. At first I didn't quite understand, since this type of advice is readily available throughout the web, and most of it should be common sense anyway.

But then I realized, most of the advice you find on the web is actually too "advanced", and that common sense seems to be lacking quite a bit in Malaysia as far as job hunting is concerned (probably more).

For those of you who don't know who the fuck I am, allow me to give you some "credentials". I've been in senior management for more than 12 years. I've founded 3 companies, and I've also been a "career and educational advisor" as a side job for almost 10 years now, mostly with the University of Tokyo.

Okay, enough stupid shit about me. Let's get to my top 10. Before that, though, let's set some criteria.

1. This is mostly meant for fresh graduates, but certainly applies to anyone who is serious about getting a job. Please read that again. "anyone who is serious about getting a job". If you're just out to randomly get interviews and hope one of them gives you a job, you can do whatever you want, and this list is not for you.
2. This list is based on my experience in the past and certainly doesn't represent nearly everything you need to know about job interviews.
3. Some of you will find this list to be so basic, you'll be shocked that anyone could need it. Trust me, I was shocked too.
4. This list is based on the objective of succeeding in the interview and getting the position. Whether you actually want or like that position is up to your discretion. If you don't like the job, you shouldn't be going to the interview in the first place, but I understand there are other factors too. Like money. And money.
5. This list is not for any specific industry, but assumes interviews for professional positions within an office. If you were going to a beach to apply for a lifeguard position, not all of the list may apply to you.
6. If this list is too difficult or too much trouble for you to follow, I suggest you speak to your parents about being a bum for life.

So, here we go. My list of 10 things you should try your best to do for an interview.

1. Dress Appropriately

I've actually had people walk into my office in a t-shirt, shorts, and sandals for a job interview. If the company you're applying to is at all decent, they tell you to go home on the spot.

A long sleeve button shirt and slacks work for both men and women, and are always a safe bet. Women have more choices, but if you decide to wear a skirt, make sure that it's long enough to cover up to just above your knees at the shortest and that it's not flimsy -- the skirt from a suit works best. Baju kurung, kebaya, and other traditional wear are of course also acceptable (in fact, I look forward to seeing kebaya, but that's just a personal preference). Also remember to make sure your clothing is not too colorful or bright -- black, white, brown, grey, blue are all good choices.

Shoes make a huge impression on people. Make sure you're wearing proper leather shoes with socks. For women, a proper heel -- 3 to 5 cm -- is usually good for making a good impression. If you wear a skirt, it is highly advisable that you also wear stockings.

2. Be On Time

I can never stress enough how important punctuality is, and I can also never understand why so many people are not. Take a moment to think about it. Why would the busy boss of a company (the better the company, the more busy the boss) hire someone who wastes his/her time? By being late, you're essentially wasting people's time, and that helps no one.

Don't use traffic jams as an excuse. If you can't even predict a traffic jam and leave early to compensate for it, I sure as hell am not going to trust you with any serious job task. Even if you are late due to some completely unavoidable situation -- which is extremely rare --

3. Don't Make Excuses

If you think you're going to be late, call the company (speak directly to the interviewer if possible), and apologize. They don't need your excuses. The fact that you're going to be late is the only important point. Whether you got into an accident or had diarrhea (yes, someone used that on me), they don't need or want to know about it. The more you try to emphasize your excuse, the less trustworthy of a person you portray yourself to be.

Something to the effect of, "I'm so sorry, Sir/Madam. I don't think I can make it on time. Could we please delay the interview by 30 minutes?" is good. Don't forget to apologize! "Hello? I will be late. Jam." does not cut it. It'll get you cut though.

If you need to cancel the interview, call and apologize as well. Don't think that just because you got another seemingly better offer that you don't need to maintain good relationships with others. You never know when it'll come back and bite you in the ass in the future. It's a small world.

4. Stand The Fuck Up

Many times, you'll be asked to sit in a room and wait for the interviewer to join. When the interviewer comes, stand your ass up! Don't sit there like a sack of soggy potatoes and shake their hands like you're the boss; and don't sit until they sit, or until you're offered to sit.

5. Look Them In The Eyes

Yes, this is important. Someone who avoids looking at others in the eyes in a conversation or when being questioned shows lack of confidence, lack of respect, and lack of manners. Don't stare, though. There's a difference.

6. Don't Lie

The fact that I have to list this is sad, but I've found this to be a major issue. Don't lie about your work history or education or knowledge. You're not gonna get away with it, and it's going to cost you your job. You'd be lucky if you don't get hired, because getting fired for giving false information during the interview is not only embarrassing, but detrimental for your resume.

7. Don't Open Your Laptop

You shouldn't even be bringing one. I've had several experiences in which the candidate comes in for an interview, flops open his/her laptop, plugs it in without asking, and types away like I'm the one being interviewed. You shouldn't even be writing anything. You should only take out your pen and notebook and take notes when it is your turn to ask the interviewer about the company and the position you're applying for. Until then, sit still, answer the questions, and don't fidget!

8. Turn Your Phone Off

How hard can this be? At least make sure it's been put on silence mode. And for the love of professionalism, DON'T ANSWER YOUR PHONE during the interview! In fact, don't touch it at all! Even while waiting or the interviewer isn't there. Just sit! Chill! Don't start Candy Crushing. If I'm the interviewer, I'd send you packing immediately.

9. Ask Proper Questions

Ask about your job requirements. Ask about the company's background and what it does. Ask about the other employees. Don't ask about benefits or pay! You can negotiate on salary when you receive the offer, if you receive it at all. If you're asked about your expected salary, do answer (I advise against playing negotiation games. Just tell them the amount you think you're worth). If after you receive your job offer, and you feel the job description doesn't match the compensation (too much work for too little pay), then you can negotiate.

Just remember, it's not official until you accept, so no need to get into the details during the interview. Your objective in a job interview is to leave a good impression and get hired. Negotiate after you've been offered.

10. Smile

Not like a dork, but pleasantly. As much as possible. Trust me. It's important.

So there you have it. My recommended top 10 things you should do for a job interview. There are lots and lots more things I could give suggestions on, but that'll be for another day.

Just remember, respect the person who is going to decide whether you're getting a job or not. Don't think of job hopping as an option. Think of it as a last resort. Happy job hunting!

Oh. Follow me on Twitter if you'd like. @TheExBoss

Cheers!

Traffic Accident & My Broken BM

Recently, I got into a traffic accident. This is a record of the accident and its aftermath, mostly for my benefit, but hopefully to also act as a reference for the folks out there who are concerned or have questions about what to do or what happens when getting into a traffic accident in Malaysia; especially for the expats who don't speak BM and don't know what the fuck is going on with this country in general.

After attending an ex-colleague/friend's full moon party earlier this month, I was on my way home via DUKE highway. Unfortunately, I got on in the wrong direction, so I had to go through the toll gate, get off immediately, and u-turn back on the highway to face the right direction.

As I frustratingly got through the SmartTag gate, I turned on my left turn signal, and crossed from the right all the way to the left towards the exit across roughly 5 lanes worth of road (I say "roughly" because there are no lines on the road immediately before and after the toll gates, which is something I really think should be fixed). Once I got to the most left lane, I slowed down to be sure I wasn't running into any oncoming traffic that had just entered the highway from behind and trying to merge into the mainstream traffic.

And wouldn't you know it, a motorcycle came crashing into the left back side of my car. I was watching the whole thing, so I saw the guy with his head down -- probably texting on his phone -- come crashing into my car from behind, bounce, and hop off as his motorcycle went skidding towards the wall. Luckily for both of us, this happened during low traffic on a Sunday night, and at the very left side where there was almost no traffic at all.

I immediately stopped my car at the side of the road, got out, and ran over to the rider. I asked him if he was all right, whether he was hurt badly, and if he wanted me to call an ambulance or the police. He hopped around a bit on one leg, showcasing that the crash had hurt one of his legs, then proceeded to do something on his phone, ignoring my questions and concern. He then sat down on the side of the road, so I sat down next to him and repeated my previous questions. This time, he told me that he was fine, and that he was going to call his friend to come pick him up since his motorcycle was wrecked and wouldn't start.

While I felt pity for the guy, I also couldn't help but think to myself that he really needs to be more careful about how he rides, since it could've easily been much worse. I then asked him if it was okay for me to leave. He nodded and said, "Ya". So I left.

A week later, I received a letter from the police summoning me to the police station. Apparently, the motorcycle rider had made a police report of the accident, probably because he wanted to claim insurance. Knowing that the police in Malaysia often do not speak -- or refuse to speak -- English, I contacted my Malay buddy and asked for him to accompany me to the police station, which he graciously agreed to.

So we headed down to the police station in KL near China Town to make the report. As expected, my friend was of great help, getting me through the whole process much much faster than I could ever hope to on my own. To my dismay, though, we were told that the sergeant in charge of my case was not on duty and that I had to come again in a couple of days. Luckily, though, we were also informed that this particular sergeant speaks English, so we got my paperwork finished and headed home.

The next morning, I received a phone call from the sergeant in charge of my case to confirm that I was going to visit him. I confirmed and headed out there again the next day as agreed.

I headed into the sergeant's office and was told to wait outside. A few minutes later, the sergeant came outside to call me in. At this point, I was already surprised at the very professional way the sergeant was handling his visitor. Anyway, I get in, sit down at the sergeant's desk, pass him the paperwork, and as expected, the sergeant starts to speak to me in BM.

"Sorry. I don't speak Bahasa."

"But you're Malaysian! Why you don't speak Bahasa!"

Dude. I get your point, but you really don't need to shout it for the whole room to hear.

"I spent most of my life overseas -- about 30 years (I said tiga puluh tahun in an attempt to please him) in Japan."

"Kerja di Jepun?" Oh, this one I understand.

"Yes. I studied and worked there."

"Good money lah."

"Uhhh, not so bad."

The sergeant snickers and proceeds to process my paperwork.

"Okaaay. You explain to me the accident."

Before I could open my mouth, the sergeant continued.

"In Bahasa."

My pupils dilated like a scared puppy's.

"You try lah! If I don't understand then you explain in English also can."

While thinking about the horror of unleashing my tremendously limited and broken BM, I nodded reluctantly and spoke.

"Saya pandu di DUKE. Saya keluar dari SmartTag kemudian pergi kiri."

The sergeant chuckled and nodded for me to continue.

"Moto itu masuk highway dari kiri. Saya lihat moto itu, tapi dia memandu sangat laju!"

This got the sergeant to laugh a bit out loud, but he motioned to me with a thumbs up to show that he understood me. So I continued.

"Then crash."

The sergeant smiled, told me that the story was pretty much the same as what the rider of the motorcycle had told him, and even showed me the drawing the rider had drawn of the accident, which was pretty accurate.

Then the next part truly came as a surprise.

The sergeant told me that it was obvious from our recount of the accident that there was no fault on my part, and that the motorcycle should have yielded to me before trying to merge. He told me to go get photos taken of the damage on my car and to go home and wait for the official report.

Until that point, I had been told by friends and relatives and tweeters that in Malaysia, if a car gets into an accident with a motorcycle, 99.9% the car will be declared at fault. Well, either my case was a miracle, or common sense does still prevail, even in a country as seemingly fucked up as this one.

So, to everyone out there who still believes that you can't win in an accident with a motorcycle, you just never know until you actually try. If you truly did nothing wrong, the possibility of it turning out in your favor is still there; and if it doesn't, well, just be grateful if no one died or got hurt seriously. Also, please please please don't go charging at the other party in anger after an accident. Be courteous and kind. No one wants to be in an accident intentionally (except the scammers, of course), and please always remember that making sure no one is hurt badly should always be the top priority.

And to the sergeant who was in charge of my case who will probably never read this, thank you for your professional manner with which you dealt with the case, and thank you for giving me the opportunity to show off what a bad ass I am at speaking BM.

Top 10 Things I Miss About Japan

Although I was born in Malaysia, I left when I was three years old. The next time I returned was 14 years later, when I was seventeen -- right after I had graduated from high school. My whole family -- my parents and my older sister -- came back for a week then, and it was the first time I got to see my uncles and aunties and cousins again since I left. There wasn't really that much excitement for me, though. After all, the last time I saw them was when I was three, so it was more like discovering I had a lot of relatives for the first time.

Anyway, after that, I came back a few times for vacation, but it wasn't until my Dad retired and decided to move back to KL that I started to return on a regular basis to visit my parents, and even then it was at most once a year. So to me, home is pretty much Japan; and, after living almost 30 years in the Land of the Rising Sun, there are obviously things I miss about it.

So without further ado, here are the top 10 things I miss about Japan.

10. Comprehensible & Well Maintained Roads

I'm sure most people would agree with me that Malaysian roads are absolutely horrendous -- both in condition and in structure. Apparently, the original plan was to create as few traffic lights as possible; which in itself is not such a bad idea. The problem is, in doing so, the roads were built with very few intersections, which led to excessively long and curvy roads and completely unnecessary, not to mention hazardous, roundabouts and merges.

I blame most of this on the Brits with their illogical and inefficient concept of flyovers and one way streets that inevitably bled into the Malaysian road building methods, but I digress.

What. The. Fuck.

Japan utilizes a system very similar to that of the U.S., only better. Basically, each city or region is cut up into squares, or blocks as they're called in the U.S., divided by roads and intersections, and each square is given a number sequentially to identify its location within the region. Simple. Clean. Comprehensible. Of course, there are disadvantages such as having to have traffic lights for most of the intersections, which obviously can cause traffic buildup; but, is that any worse than the traffic buildup we get with merges in Malaysia?

The advantages of this square system clearly outweighs the disadvantages. It's extremely easy to identify locations using addresses. It gives you a very clear sense of direction because turns are at right angles with very few lengthy curves that leave you disoriented. It's much easier to maintain orderly traffic flow. And certainly not least of all, it makes it much easier for you to recover from missing or taking a wrong turn. You don't have to drive for 8 bazillion miles to find a u-turn just so you can drive another 8 bazillion miles to make a u-turn again. You simply get to the next intersection, make a u-turn, or just make 3 left or right turns at consecutive intersections, and you're back on track.

Even the houses are lined up nicely.

Finally, the condition of the roads in Japan is simply immaculate. Hardly any potholes or other strange defects, good traction even when wet, no weird and sudden bumps or change in elevation, and certainly no missing guideline paint. Everything is smooth, flat, and consistent. And in order to maintain this high quality of roads, workers work fast and diligently during low traffic hours, such as 2 to 5 in the morning, instead of dead smack in the middle of the day clashing with Friday prayers.

No, that's not a race track. Just a normal road.

Even the road signs make sense and actually tell you where each turn takes you, as well as the distance to those locations. Most importantly, there are signs that tell you which road you're on currently! GASP!

All this in a country that has the best public transportation system in the world.

9. Vending Machines

Since I've been back to Malaysia, I don't know how many times I've wished there was a vending machine nearby at which I can buy a drink. It sucks big hairy buffalo balls to have to find a mall or shop lot just so you can quench your thirst; and even when you do, sometimes it's not even a mall or shop lot with a supermarket, so you end up with choices like Starbucks and Chatime, which isn't what I want. I just want to get a bottle of water or tea (non-sweetened), and I don't want to spend 8 or 15 bucks on it!

Japan literally has vending machines everywhere. It would actually be difficult to walk more than 500 meters without seeing at least one vending machine. Recently, several companies have collaborated to make vending machines even more useful. For instance, many of them that are along school commuting routes now have cameras mounted as anti-crime measures against crimes on school children. Almost all vending machines now also have a remote switch that allows beverage companies to make all the drinks free for disastrous situations such as earthquakes in which people may be stuck in areas without any nourishment for long periods of time.

Ahhh. Decisions, decisions, decisions.

But I suppose all this works because of Japan's high sense of moral and outstanding public safety. It's sad that we still need to consider vandalism and other petty crimes as a major concern for vending machines, but that's the truth we must face.

8. Convenient Stores

This is a bit like number 9, except in a much much larger sense. Convenient stores, or "Konbini" as they are called in Japan, are simply fucking amazing. Although Malaysia also has 7Eleven, and they're considered as Konbini, the 7Eleven in Malaysia are nowhere close to the ones in Japan in terms of service, cleanliness, variety, well...shit; in terms of everything.

First, there's the sheer number of them that truly makes them convenient. According to a survey in January of 2013 that counted the number of major chain Konbini in Japan, there 49,115 of them across the nation. Divide that by the entire population of Japan, and that's one store for each 2,600 people in Japan! Malaysia has 1,367 stores of 7-Eleven nationwide, which works out to be about one store for every 21,120 people. You do the math.

Hm. Which one should I go to today...?

More importantly, of course, is how...errr...convenient and useful the Konbini are in Japan. They have everything from mineral water to single malt whiskey, from sandwiches to full-blown meals (that are served hot on the spot), from kids' comics to pornography, and from fax machines to kiosk terminals for purchasing airline and concert tickets. They even have mascara and little packages that contain a toothbrush, toothpaste, face towel, and other things you need for a sudden unplanned overnight stay when you can't get home.

Seriously. How cool is that?

Even when you drive your car up into the depths of a mountain in some rural area for your annual visit to your spiritual monk, you can be sure there's a Konbini within walking distance of the monk's abode. Fucking. Life. Saver.

7. Professional & Courteous Service

I don't think there's much explanation needed here. Even for those people who have never been to Japan, I'm sure it's a fairly well-known fact that customer service in Japan is simply astounding. No matter which store you go to, be it a konbini, a restaurant, a toy store, a game store, a boutique, or a random book store, the people are professional, courteous, polite, and...*gasp*...helpful!

Service with a smile.

I've obviously experienced this super high level of service for most of my life, but to this day, I won't forget my first experience at a KFC store in Japan (a long time ago). When I walked in, every staff in the store shouted (or it felt that way at the time) "Irasshaimase! (Welcome!)", and as I walked up to the counter, every single staff I passed on the way bowed to me.

"Damn, peeps. I'm just here for chicken!" I thought.

The lady who took my order was extremely nice. Listening to my order patiently and making gentle and subtle suggestions where appropriate. She then repeated my order, gave me my total, and bowed. After paying and taking my number, I went to sit at a nearby empty table. After a few moments, another staff brought me my food, apologized for being late (it had been about 2 minutes since I sat down), bowed, smiled, and asked me to enjoy my food.

I was genuinely scared. Having been brought up as a kid in the US, I could only suspect that they were all in a conspiracy and wanted something from me. Perhaps they wanted to sell my spleen. Or they wanted to steal my awesome Seattle Supersonics jacket that I was wearing. Whatever it was, there was a plot. I just knew it. There was no other explanation for the incredibly kind and courteous way they were acting.

What the fuck do you want from me?!

It wasn't until later that I learned and understood that that's just the way it is, and no one would accept it any other way. Honestly, even after nearly 30 years in Japan, I sometimes still receive service that's so wonderful, I feel guilty about it. Seriously. I don't think I'd be able to find anything to complain about even if I wanted to.

Now you're just being silly.

6. Unbeatable Public Safety

Japan has always been known as the safest country in the world; partly because everyone is educated to be polite and courteous to everyone else, but much of it is also because of the well-trained police force.

Surprisingly, Japan doesn't have a very high police to population ratio, yet because they are well known to be extremely well trained and dedicated to serving the people, citizens feel quite safe and criminals are actually scared of them. Also, even though the ratio is not high, the Japanese government makes sure that all the police officers who are available are seen in public, as much and as constantly as possible. One of the ways they do that is with the Koban -- a small "police box" that usually has 2 to 3 police officers assigned to it. Koban are placed so that an area of 50,000 people have at least one to cover that area. In areas that tend to get more rowdy (such as areas with lots of bars), more would be placed. This seemingly simple method goes a long way in helping to keep people safe and prevent crimes from occurring.

A typical Koban in Japan. That dude looks mean.

A story I often tell my friends is of one time when I got paid my monthly salary in cash. There was some sort of serious outage with the banking system of the bank that my company at the time was using, and they had no choice but to pay salaries for that month in cash. Now, as safe as Japan is, it really doesn't make anyone feel comfortable to be carrying around a bag of cash that's worth your life and sweat for the past one month. I tried to put the bag into my shoulder bag, but it just wouldn't fit, so I carried it in my hands.

I got on and off the train with no particular incident, and headed to my usual watering hole where my friends and I had drinks after work almost every work day. It wasn't until after I left the pub, got home, and tucked myself into bed that I realized I didn't have my bag of cash.

Unfortunately, I had no way of doing anything about it until the next day, so all I could do was spend a sleepless night during which I bit off pretty much all my fingernails and toenails.

The next day I headed to the pub where I figured I left my one month salary. Before I even opened the door, one of the ladies who work there came running out with my bag, shouting, "There you are! We've been so worried that you'd be missing this! Please be more careful!" She then proceeded to hand the bag to me and sigh a sigh of relief, as if she had lost the cash. I thanked her profusely and was on my way. Needless to say, not a cent was missing from the bag.

Thank you, Japan!

Imagine what would've happened if that was in Malaysia (or anywhere else other than Japan).

5. "Variety" TV Shows

Japanese TV shows are generally not bad, but "variety" shows, as they're called in Japan, are just simply brilliant. They're a mix of comedy, reality, challenge, and generally weird shit. These are the TV shows that give Japanese television the reputation of being straight up fucked up and the people who appear in them downright looney.

What the fuck are they even doing?!

These shows are just nutty, they're incredibly satisfying. I mean, you get a bunch of crazy guys to come up with ideas, then you hire a bunch of funny people who also happen to be out of their minds to execute these plans, throw in a couple of famous people to host it, and you've got a golden show. And Japan has tons of these shows. Many of them are shown late at night, and I mean really late at night, because for some of these shows that skid just along borderline illegal, it just wouldn't be appropriate if underaged kids happen to watch them.

And they get paid to do this!

For those of you who are interested but don't know where to start, my recommendation is to check out "Gaki No Tsukai" (the full title is "Downtown No Gaki No Tsukai Ya Arahende"), "Lincoln", "Pussuma" for starters.

4. Reasonably Priced Cars & Motorcycles

The title says it all. As a gearhead, this is especially important to me. When I lived in Japan, I owned three motorcycles and two cars, and was planning on buying a third car. I bought them all new, but guess what? The price of all three motorcycles and two cars combined is less than buying a VW Golf GTI here in Malaysia. One. Fucking. Golf.

Toyota Camry 2.5V. Malaysia: RM181k. Japan: RM90k.

Now, most people I know also think the evil...I mean, excise tax is ridiculous in Malaysia, but there are some who argue it's necessary to protect our domestic manufactured cars (a.k.a. Proton). My question is, why? Why do we need to protect them? Other countries don't, why do we? Oh, so the government is openly admitting that Proton cars suck and no one would buy them unless everything else was unaffordable. It's either that or they're openly admitting they want an excuse to make lots of money to put into their pockets.

Or is Malaysia serious about actually making revenue, or even profit from exporting cars? ...*shudder*...I'm not going to think about that or I might need to be committed to a mental institute. So getting back to the original topic...

"That's because Japanese cars are domestic for Japan. Of course they're cheaper there! What about cars that are foreign to both countries?" you ask. Well, let's take a look.

BMW 535i. Malaysia: RM600k. Japan: 250k.

I could buy a condo with just the difference. So now we can add the Malaysian government to the list of people for Google's slogan, "Don't be evil".

3. Game Centers

It took me a while to learn that in Malaysia, game centers are generally looked upon as either dodgy places where punk ass school kids and wannabe gangsters hang out, or little kiddie land places that only, well, little kiddies go to.

Game centers in Japan...well, first of all, there are lots of them. Where in Malaysia I have to search every resource I have just to find 2 game centers that end up having 4 game machines from 15 years ago, I can just walk around in Japan and find a nice game center with an abundant of modern, new game machines. And, Japanese game centers are clean! Imagine that.

Bright, clean, and comfortable.

Actually, I've been talking to Japanese companies to try and get them to start a few of these "nice" game centers here in Malaysia. Hopefully, this will become a reality in the next few years, and I can finally introduce to my fellow Malaysian folks what real game centers are like.

"You mean this isn't a real game center?" Only if you're 6.

2. Manga Kissa (Cafe)

This is an easy one to explain. You get bottomless drinks, a decent menu of casual foods, a reclining chair, a fairly high spec computer, limitless broadband internet, preloaded games up the wazoo, and a whole fucking library of manga to read. Some places even have showers and small beds. What else could you ask for?!

They literally have more manga than book stores.

Actually, manga kissa are becoming obsolete now, and being replaced by "net cafe". The "net" is short for "Internet", and it's not really a cafe (Japanese-made English vocabulary is fucked up like that), and it's definitely nothing like the internet cafes in the US, but pretty much a more modern version of manga kissa with even more features.

The more modern, much more digital net cafe.

The problem with net cafes, though, is that they focus too much on digital services, such as having the most number of MMORPG games installed in their computers and how much bass their headphones can push out. For someone like me (old, basically), it saddens me slightly to know that the more analogue and more warm manga kissa of the old school days are slowly disappearing. It was nice to have a place to go to that served hot home-cooked meals in a cozy atmosphere, and you could sit there and just sip your coffee while reading the entire collection of Kochira Katsushika-ku Kameari Kōen-mae Hashutsujo.

The manga kissa of old. Basically restaurants with manga.

A few years back, Japan actually had a "social phenomenon", as the media called it, where people wouldn't go home or even bother to stay at hotels, because it was easier, cheaper, more convenient, and definitely more entertaining to just spend the night at net cafes. Yeah, so basically, a "social phenomenon" in Japan means a really fucked up problem with the young generation. I must admit, I also did spend the night at net cafes a couple of times, but there were folks that would just stay there for weeks. There were even extreme cases in which people just didn't go home. They called these guys, "net cafe nanmin", which literally translates to "internet cafe refugees".

I'm not bashing these guys at all. In fact, I'm trying to use this "social phenomenon" to make my point -- how comfortable are these places that people can fucking live there! Yeah, these places are the shit.

Wait a second... Why don't I start one in Malaysia?? I'll call it, "Komik & Teh Tarik".

1. Responsible People

It can't be just me who finds having people around who are responsible for their actions to be an immensely important part of making your daily life happy. I'm not talking about anything that serious, either. I'm basically just talking about people who are punctual and do their jobs the way they're supposed to.

First, let's talk about...

Being On Time.

If I say I'm gonna meet you somewhere at 10:00, I'll be there by 10:00. If it's a casual meeting, I might be late by 10 minutes at the most, but if I actually mentioned a time that I'd be there, you can bet your ass I will be. There ain't no excuses for being late in my book.

What? Traffic was bad? Like you didn't know it would be. Leave earlier, dipshit.

Huh? You couldn't find the right pair of pants? Come wearing your sister's skirt if you have to. Your pants are not as important as wasting my time, fucktard.

Yes, that's right, folks. Not being on time is the same thing as wasting the time of those who are on time.

The Japanese are extremely punctual. They're usually exactly on time, or they're early. Not only is it deemed as taboo to be late, in many cases, it has serious consequences. For example, many companies have the right to fire you for being late to work. Clients will easily cancel important business deals because the sales guy is late for the meeting. Yes, it's that serious. At the very least, you will gain a notorious reputation, and people will lose trust in you in all aspects.

Also, can you imagine if the train was late? Of course you can if you're Malaysian, but not in Japan. Shinjuku station, a major train station in Tokyo, sees more than 1.3 million people on an average day. That's more than the population of Kota Kinabalu and Kuching combined! A major train being late by a couple of minutes in Tokyo could mean the disruption of commuting for millions of people, setting off a chain reaction for all sorts of nonsense. I mean, trains running late get broadcasted on the news.

Trains in Japan literally run like clockwork.

Because the sense for punctuality is buried so deeply within each country and culture, many times, it's just simply impossible for people to understand the punctuality standards of another country. So many of you are probably thinking, "aw, come on! are the Japanese always on time? they gotta be late sometimes." Yeah, they aren't always on time, but they're late only very rarely. But more importantly, they...

Apologize When They're Wrong.

Seriously, I took this for granted while living in Japan. I thought this was common sense for everyone. I didn't realize that Malaysians are in the habit of apologizing as little as possible, and pretty much not at all when it comes to being late.

And yet, picking up annoying internet talk like, "u mad, bro?" is not a problem.

Being responsible folks that they are, the Japanese apologize as their first instinct if they even feel slightly they could've been in the wrong. And because they bow as a custom, it makes it look even more like they're truly sorry. In fact, it's quite often to see two people bowing and apologizing to each other because they both feel like they were the ones in the wrong, and then they bow even more because the other guy's still bowing. Quite amusing, actually.

"I was wrong, I'm sorry." "No, no. It is I who should be apologizing."

But, unfortunately, the problem in Malaysia runs much deeper than just not being able to apologize. You see, people in Japan actually...

Do What They Said They Would.

So many times in the last couple of years I've been back to Malaysia, I've had people basically just ignore what they promised, and just generally do whatever the fuck they please despite what they said.

I've had contractors give me a quotation for renovation work I requested, and then just not show up. I've had restaurants take my reservation and then not having it in their books when I actually go. And I've never, not even once, had someone call me back when they told me they would.

We can't even do simple things we say we would on a daily basis, and we expect the government to keep their promises? Talk about being hypocritical.

I truly and deeply miss the feeling of security and comfort of knowing that when I ask someone to do something for me -- whether as a customer, a boss, a colleague, or friend -- and that person agrees, that they would do as they promised. What makes me miss it the most is that I thought it was normal. I mean, not having polite people and places to eat while reading manga is one thing. I knew those things aren't available, but I never thought I'd need to expect people to not do what they said they would.

Just doing my job, sir!

I could go on and on about this forever, but it wouldn't be worth my time to type it, and it certainly wouldn't be worth anyone's time to read it.

So there you have it. The 10 things I miss most about Japan. I hope that this article has given you not only an interesting bit of reading to kill your time, but also some insight into what life in Japan is like, and also get your brain juices flowing on the things that we as Malaysians can do to better improve our lives.

Stay tuned for my "Top 10 Things I Don't Miss About Japan" article coming soon!