Teh Tarik Kurang Manis

So I'm sitting at my usual mamak having breakfast, and as it is in most of my experience, my teh tarik kurang manis is manis as fuck. It started me thinking about all the reasons I've heard from others about why this might be -- that is, why you don't get your order the way you ordered it.

"Maybe their sense of what's manis is different from yours."

"It depends on the person making it."

"Maybe they didn't hear you."

"Maybe the guy is Kelantanese."

I've even heard a ridiculously stupid comment of:

"They only understand if you say 'kurangkan manis' because the guy making it is Indonesian."

Well, has anyone thought of what I've always thought from day one?

"Maybe they just don't give a fuck."

I mean, these guys aren't exactly friendly or dedicated to making sure you're satisfied. Just look at their faces and you'd agree. It's not like they're getting a tip for making your drinks less sweet. It's not like you're going to sue them cos you took in more sugar than you wanted. It's not like they feel the urge to pamper you.

No, they just don't fucking care.

I just ordered teh tarik kurang manis ten minutes ago, and the guy just gestured to the counter the "tarik" motion. How the fuck is that going to convey the "kurang manis" part of my order?? The answer is, it's not. Because this shit is like drinking condensed milk straight out of the can.

One time, my buddy and I both ordered teh tarik. One kurang manis, one biasa. The guy brings two teh tarik and we ask him which one is kurang manis. He looks at us blankly for a second and randomly points at one of them. Without looking!

Guess if this is kurang manis. Go ahead. I dare ya.

So, yeah, I'm convinced. The reason your TTKM is not necessarily KM is not because there's any kind of miscommunication, or a difference in taste buds. It's because the good folks working at the mamak stalls can't be bothered to give a shit about what you want.

Microsoft Customer Service

A man walks into Microsoft's customer service headquarters and heads to the complaints department on the 5th floor. He gets into the elevator and presses the button for the 5th floor. The elevator doors shut and the elevator begins to move. Around the 3rd floor, a large amount of water falls onto the man inside the elevator from seemingly nowhere. Now drenched, the man looks up to figure out the source of the water, but after scrutinizing the elevator ceiling, he can find no explanation for the sudden splash of water.

The elevator reaches the 5th floor, and the man walks out, fuming. He heads straight for the reception counter immediately outside the elevator where a young lady smiles at him as he approaches.

"Hello, sir. How may I assist you?" she says with a smile.

"What the hell is going on with your damn elevator?! I was just splashed with a bucketful of water! Look at me! I'm completely drenched!" the man shouted.

"Very well, sir. First, have you ever used our elevator before?" the girl asks in a professional manner.

"What..? No, I've never used it before! What the heck does that..." the man tries to finish but is interrupted.

"Please give me your name, country of residence, and native language, sir," the receptionist says, indifferent to the man's frustration.

"Bill Gates, USA, English," the man responds, having been taken into the girl's pace.

"Thank you, sir. Your customer service number is 37Q38-WDCRD-XYQ6X-G9MGX-6BTWF. Please have this number ready the next time you visit us. Now, you say you were splashed with water?" the girl continues the conversation in a routine manner.

"Yes. Inside the elevator," Bill answers.

"Hmm, that's strange. Could you try walking out the building and coming back?" the young lady requests.

"What?? You want me to go outside and come back? Now?!" Bill says, frustrated and confused.

"Yes, sir. Please leave the building and come back." the girl replies.

"What the...? Fine!"

Bill finally gives up and walks back into the elevator. He takes the elevator to the first floor, gets out, and leaves the building through the main entrance. He then walks back in and takes the elevator again to the 5th floor. He walks up to the receptionist again.

"Now what?" Bill asks with irritation.

"Were you splashed by water again, sir?" the receptionist asks.

"No." Bill answers.

"Okay, sir. I'm not sure what might have caused the first splash, but it looks like everything is fine now. If it happens again, I would suggest that you walk out and back into the building like you just did. Thank you for visiting Microsoft's customer service," the girl says with a smile and a wave.

"Oh. Okay. I guess everything's fine then," Bill says as he turns to leave.

My 3 Worst Experiences With Malaysian Service

We all know that the service level in Malaysia leaves plenty to be desired. I'm not talking about any specific industry or genre. I'm talking about the overall quality of service the entire country delivers to patrons in any form of communication that involves customer service.

While I understand that, from the perspective of the people delivering the service, it sucks to have to suck up to suckers that seem to suck up their time with seemingly no benefit, please bear in mind that, regardless of the method or amount, these folks are getting paid to deliver the service; by us -- the exact people who they are being rude to.

Wait a second. Does that seem strange to anyone else?

If I were to pay you 100 bucks for you to just pick up and hand me a stone on the side of the road while smiling at me, would you even consider being rude to me? I would bet my left testicle that 99 people out of 100 would just take the money, smile and not think twice. Yet, when it's a job, it's okay to be rude? How does that logic work?

Yeah, yeah. I'm sure there's lots to be argued, debated, and contemplated about on that subject, but that's not what this blog entry is about. It's about my own actual experiences since I've been back to Malaysia (that's about two years ago) that have been so horrid that I still have nightmares about them. Well, not really, but it gets the point across.

3. Is that a hair in my laksa?

We've all experienced it. Weird shit in our food that don't belong there. I was having curry laksa at a hawker stall in Ipoh, when I discovered what appeared to be a strand of human hair floating on my taugeh. Being the outspoken person that I am, I immediately motioned for the attendee of the stall, a middle-aged Chinese woman about the height of my motorcycle, to come over. She strode over to my table slowly with an expression that made it apparent she would rather be somewhere else.

Her: "Ya?"

Me: "Is that a hair in my laksa??"

With almost no change in expression, she peers into my bowl, squinting her eyes several times, and then looks at me blankly.

Her: "Ya, it is."

And then she strode off.

It was my first experience encountering this sort of situation since I had been back, and I simply didn't know how to handle it. My mind went blank. My brain shut down.

Little did I know at the time that a couple months later, I would have to ask...

2. Is that a hair in my wonton mee?

This time, I was a bit more prepared. Before calling the waitress over, I simulated in my mind how I would call for the waitress to come back should she choose to walk away from the situation. Mentally prepped, I called for the waitress to come over. She rolled her eyes slightly and walked toward me like she was heading toward some piece of garbage on the ground she had to pick up.

Her: "........."

Me: "There's a piece of hair in my soup!"

Just as the lady from my previous experience, she showed no signs of shock and did her obligatory peer and squint.

Her: "Boss, that one is my hair."

Me: "........."

At this point I'm trying to figure out what that has to do with anything. Before I could contemplate further, she continued.

"Don't worry, boss. I just wash this morning."

And then she strode off.

I was NOT ready for that. Man...

1. I could really use a smoke.

I've had my share of horrible experiences with government employees, especially in Putrajaya, and I'm sure everyone has as well. Allow me to share one that really stood out for me.

After standing in line for over an hour waiting to renew my passport, my number was finally called by the annoying number calling system. "Nombor tiga enam satu empat, kaunter dua." I walk up to the counter and greet the guy behind the counter with a smile and a "Hello". He wasn't impressed. With his completely emotionless face, he says something to me in BM. Unfortunately, due to not having lived in Malaysia for a long time (like...ever), I did not have the opportunity to learn BM, which I also explained to the guy in English. He stares at me with even less expression, and continues speaking in BM. So I figured he didn't hear me, and so I explain to him again that I don't understand BM due to my blah blah blah situation.

...pause...

The guy continues to speak to me in BM, only this time, he says something reeeaaally long.

What. The. Fuck.

I try to keep my temper and my smile, and continue to explain to him my situation and that I just want to renew my passport. I even throw in a bit of BM vocabulary I picked up. "Tolonglah." "Sila membantu saya." "......dalam Inggeris!"

Finally, it seemed my efforts paid off. Slowly, the guy began to speak.

"I could really use a smoke..."

Huh?!

First off, his English was fucking perfect. Second, he could use a...whaaa?!

He apparently saw I was confused, so this time, he deliberately stared at my shirt pocket, in which was a box of Mild Seven I had brought from Japan, and repeated himself.

"I could really use a smoke..."

Ohhh! How stupid could I be! Of course! I pulled out my box of Mild Seven and politely inquired.

"Would you like one?"

A hint of emotion came across his emotionless face and he gestured to the door behind him.

"Come," he said. "I'll show you to the smoking area."

I follow him through a door behind him that led to an inner courtyard with an ashtray. We both lit up one of my cigarettes, and puffed away while making small talk about random shit like how it's always hot in Putrajaya and how he studied in Australia for 3 years. After finishing the cigarette, he starts to mumble.

"Those are good smokes."

This time, I was sharp and alert! I immediately took out the remainder of my cigarettes and offered the entire box to him. He accepted with a smile, and we walked back in the building to situate ourselves in our previous positions.

Ah! Finally! Now I can get this shit over with! I thought to myself.

I couldn't believe the next words that came out of his mouth.

"I sure could use a good steak..."

Later that day, I walked away with a brand new passport that cost me 3 and a half hours, 250 bucks for the passport, and more than 300 bucks for three steak dinners (he brought a buddy along).

Democracy & Malaysia

Ahhh, democracy. Just the sound of that word makes people everywhere perk up their ears, feel more positive, and pump their fists as if they just found out they got a huge salary raise.

Most likely due to GE13, I've recently had 14 year-old kids talk to me about democracy and how great it is. Relatives and friends text me about how democracy will save us all, and the Web has been running havoc about how democracy in Malaysia has "died" after the GE13 results.

What is democracy, though? What does it really mean, and how does it actually affect us as citizens when it's applied to society and government.

The first line in the Wikipedia entry on "Democracy" states that "Democracy is a form of government in which all eligible citizens have an equal say in the decisions that affect their lives". As with all theories and ideas, the definition is pretty fucking vague. That's because it's exactly that -- an idea -- and we should never forget that things in life have a way of working differently in theory than in practice.

For starters, who gets to define which citizens are "eligible", and who gets to define which decisions "affect their lives"? The government? But if they get to decide, then the principal of democracy has already been defeated, unless the government was elected upon those principals. But then, who decided who were eligible to elect the government? And hence, the vicious cycle continues.

In order to understand how democracy works in practice, we must first understand how a government is operated, as well as the difference between a form of government and a system of governance.

Let's talk a little bit about Malaysia. Malaysia is NOT a democracy by definition of its government form; it is a constitutional monarchy. A constitutional monarchy means that we have a head of state -- the king -- who makes decisions for the state (the country) while acting within the parameters and boundaries set by a constitution that was drafted when the country gained its independence. Constitutional monarchism is different from absolute monarchism in which a monarch has absolute power over all state affairs with no boundaries. Absolute monarchism is pretty much dictatorship. Let's be glad that's not the case for Malaysia.

As a system of governance, Malaysia employs a parliamentary system in which the monarch reserves his power and instead delegates control of the state to the parliament, which is headed by a prime minister. This is the same system that the UK uses. As to why Malaysia adopted the same system as the UK, I'll give you three guesses and the first two don't count. This system of governance allows for representative democracy, which means citizens have a say in the people who represent them in the parliament, which in turn makes decisions that affect the state and its people. This is the system that causes Malaysians to think wrongly that our government as a whole is a democracy.

Since the parliament, or legislature, is elected by the people, it would then seem that decisions made would be in the interest of the people who elected that legislature. Hooray for democracy. Everyone lives happily ever after. End of story.



Yeah, we wish.

We're all just human. The representatives we elect are also human. Some of them may make decisions based on what "the people" want, while others will utilize their position to make decisions based on their own ideals and merits. So the way a democratic system tries to allow for checks and balances is to give the people a chance to periodically change the people who represent them. This, in fact, is the heart and core of representative democracy in application and practice.

Ever hear people say, "If you don't vote, you don't get to complain"? I disagree wholeheartedly. I say, "If you vote, you don't get to complain, especially if who you vote for won". Why? Because you chose the person to represent you, and if that person doesn't do as you expect, that just means your judgment of that person was inaccurate. Too bad. Suck it up and wait for the next election.

Don't get me wrong. I think everyone who can should vote, and I understand that the phrase above is used mostly as a method to coax people who don't think it's worth their time and effort to vote to get off their asses. Still, an inaccurate statement used for a grand purpose doesn't make it right. The fact is, every citizen has the right to complain and bicker, but it certainly doesn't mean that'll change anything.

So what about direct democracy? Some people argue that if the people actually got direct control over all the decisions made by the government that things would somehow magically become peachy.

Aside from the fact that trying to maintain a manageable direct democracy system would be an absolute nightmare, this seemingly ideal concept assumes that everyone understands the good of the whole and that all citizens are well-educated and have good common sense. If you think that you can trust the majority of our nation's population to be sensible, well-informed, and committed to the good of the whole, you should probably get your head checked with an MRI.

Currently, a trend of urban residents versus rural residents can be seen in Malaysia. That is to say that political and social views differ greatly from those who live in urban areas and those who live in rural areas. Since a direct democracy system is basically "majority wins", the dominant faction would basically have control of the country, ALL THE TIME. In Malaysia's case, the country would be under a dictatorship of sorts by the rural community -- the mojority faction. This is most likely the reason that no country has actually put direct democracy into practice.

If you think about it, that really isn't unlike the result we saw in GE13. While the urban population wished to see change for whatever reasons, the rural community saw no need to change a lifestyle they are used to and have no beef with. Humans are animals of habit. We basically deny and avoid change unless we feel strongly compelled to do otherwise. So change will not come easy. It takes time and a lot of hard work -- mainly to spread information and educate the whole population with proper knowledge. If after we accomplish that, people still opt for no change, then who is to say that democracy has not spoken?

Improvement and change comes from within -- within everyone who truly wants the change. I'm not going to get into the fiasco of people asking the US for intervention, that's a whole other blog entry (and this one's already long enough), but suffice to say that if we can't put forth the will and hard work to change society, then we truly have no business whining and shouting.

I hope, very earnestly, that people will see that democracy is not a magical pill that solves everything. People will always complain when they don't get what they want, regardless of what type of governance system is in place or who the leaders are. Since it's simply not possible to satisfy everyone, you will always have arguments, dirt-slinging, cheating, fighting, and all sorts of ugliness. The best that we can do as citizens, is to put forth our hard work and best effort to making sure everyone understands their choices and rights, and that decisions made by governing bodies are made justly and in the interest of the majority.

So the next time you feel like shouting for democracy, think about what you have contributed to change society to your ideal, other than squealing like a trapped rat. If you can't think of anything, please, don't blame it on democracy or the lack of it, because democracy only works for you if you work for it.